I would like to share about the power of forgiveness and how it has impacted my life. About five years ago I moved to Palm Springs with one of my closest friends, we had been through a lot together, his break up from a lover, my addiction, our neediness for purpose and direction, we had much in common, it was a relationship built on laughter, and the dream of getting on the right path. So, just imagine the opening scene of this adventure, we’re packing and loading a rental truck at my small SF apartment. I lived on one of those small streets stuck inside SOMA, SF and within walking distance to the Loading Dock. My new roomie/old friend and I would finish loading that night and would leave for PS the next morning. There was a potential problem looming, my absolute fear of upheaval, leaving “home”, starting over without a real plan.

While packing the truck I saw a guy hanging around our street who was noticeably hiiiiiiiii with a twitch and I asked him if he would help us move, when alone I asked him if he wanted to party with me that night. I usually never ask a question without already having an answer, it was confirmed and I would leave The City with a slam. My evening was not complemented with a going away party or visiting friends and family, it was hanging with a methy dude who I would never see again. When I was lonely, sad or frightened I turned to the drug of choice because it numbed me just as I liked it. The problem will always remain the shit wears off and I was now in PS, holy moly I have no connections down here. Thanks to my new roomie he had us staying in a place that was the equivalent to Hayes Valley Girls, SOMA/WEHO, Molly Ringold Alley, Collingwood Perk, our new house was sitting right in the middle of Warm Sands, PS, complete with meth sales on each corner, hot guys with shirts off 24/7 all looking for 2 things, drugs and sex. Thank you Geeesis! Girl how did you know, you must have been finally listening to my prayers.

I abused drugs and my friendship for 6 months until Paul (roomie) finally asked me to leave. Oops there I go again destroying another friendship, oh hell, I’ve got more and that one was only cultivated over an 8 years period. Poof bye bye now, have a nice life. I only wish I felt so flip about that relationship, it wrecked me and I holed up in a studio apartment, the most dreary and dilapidated I could afford. I stayed high for 6 more months and finally found my way to rehab. By way of a kind Cathedral City police officer who could have busted me but instead said, “flush it and go to rehab or go to jail”, thank you officer you saved my life and my butt hole from more abuse. After rehab I made amends to a few people but really thought that making amends to Paul would be fruitless. I knew the call would have to be made one day and I waited till I had some clean time under my belt. Making amends is about sweeping away the shame and guilt and apologizing for the actions which I consider BAD and taking ownership. I made the amends and this person and I have slowly started talking again and developing a relationship. You never know who will tell you to fuck yourself, or who will embrace you or who will not even answer your calls. Go ahead give it a try, you’ll never know unless you speak your truth.