I’m really running behind on my blogs, no excuse other than when I begin to think of what I need to say and I think I have nothing to say then I will not say anything. Well I have a bunch to say always have and always will, I just need to shake the creative juices up a touch and get honest. One year and almost one month of not drinking alcohol or using recreational drugs. Using Meth was never recreation it was such a belabored process, first you call a dealer who says he will be there in 1 hour, 5 hours later and 15 phone calls you finally get that you need to call someone more dependable – the word dependable is a stretch for drug dealers, especially gay meth dealers because they not only deal they usually stay for a couple of hours and have sex. So when the dealer shows up you never know what stage of psychosis he will be in, hopefully he just slammed for the first time that day and will be relatively insane. It never happens that way, how many times did I watch these guys unravel right before my eyes. How about the guy who needed to chip away at the base board because he knew beyond a shadow of his shadow that you had bugs, not the roach type but the listening type embedded in your apartment. I can honestly say that I gratefully never got that twisted, I could be in denial! I surely attracted those paranoid psychotic types, I think I was a magnet. Yeah call me PMS, Psychotic Magnet Slut. My last visit/stay in rehab down in the desert one of my fellow rehab brothers’ and an ex- party partner told me at group level that the reason he liked to come over to my place and get high was that he felt safe. Well thank you so much you twisted punk, you stay for two days and play curtain monitor because you know they are coming to get you. But you feel safe! So… for the first 24 hours it’s kind of entertaining, you with your clothes off running around to each window leering out to make sure nobody is looking in. I’m watching porn and sometimes at you to see if maybe you’ll land, relax and do what it is that you were intended to do. It never I repeat never was the way I imagined it would be. At any rate, Miss Curtain Monitor 2004 thanked me for giving him a safe place to use and to get messy. Sitting on that coach I can remember thinking, albeit sketchy, this is so fucking bizarre and yet you don’t want him to leave because you hate being alone while I'm hign and even more profound if you do tell him to leave what lies beyond those doors may be even more twisted. Put up and shut up. I had one guy over who was amped, bi-polar and having an episode. Left the apartment and 2 hours later he and a police officer were knocking on my door, the policeman asked me if I knew him and if I knew if he was schizophrenic, he had no clothes on, except for socks. He was babbling, and I told the officer I thought that he told me he was bi-polar and had been smoking meth to get focused. You would think this would be a great entrée for me to say, gee I THINK IT’S TIME TO QUITE. Well it took about two more months and a visit from another officer for me to get the message. Thank you Officer SanFelipo, you are one of the angels in my glorious life. By the way School is fabulous, I’m getting into the drill and really enjoying myself.