Here I sit watching a movie called the Machinist with Christian Bale. It’s about this guy, Christian, who hasn’t slept in a year and who is gnarly thin and having psychotic episodes’. I rented this movie to be entertained tonight and to reward myself for a great week of school and studies. This movie is sad to watch, it’s really not that compelling and I don’t think I get the point – yet. This last Saturday I went to a local gay AA meeting in Silver Lake. I went with a friend of mine who I had been in Rehab with almost 7 years ago. I went to this specific meeting because they give out cakes for milestone dates of sobriety of which I celebrated 1 year. I was asked by a few people where I had been and my response was studying, classes, papers and so on and so forth. I’m really over having to defend a non-position. I get the look from AA Cult members that if you move to far from the nest you will die. I prefer to go to some meetings on occasions check in say hello, remember what addiction looks like and go home. One can not just be a drop in sober guy, one must either be in or out, you’re abstinent or not. They sound so rigid, no wonder for the last 30 years I’ve been conflicted about 12 steps, the principles of “the Program” are so one dimensional and that just isn’t who I am. I think I’ve been frightened to say this for too many years and now that I let it ooze to these pages I feel a “New Found Freedom and Happiness”. AA and 12 steps work for some people and I am one of those people who it has worked for. I will continue to use the Program, taking what I can from it and utilize the fellowship to connect with others who share the addiction and alcoholism. So no problem right, take what you want and leave the rest. It just doesn’t work that way amongst members of AA. There is hell to pay for bucking the system and I’m not sure why. Isn’t the real deal all about getting sober regardless of how you do it? I learned a bit about spiritual fitness from the program, it opened my heart and allowed me to think differently and see others who succeeded. Can’t we all just get along!