Here I sit, studying for a mid-term exam. I’ve been on campus all day started at 8am, it’s now 11:30 pm and I’m still motivated, excited, happy, learning and I am clean and sober.
This week I get to go to my Mother’s service and say goodbye to a great friend and Great Spirit. I will be there as I was for my Father, sober. A chapter has closed and another one blown open. The perspective from which I blog is sobriety. The web site that I log onto is called sobering thought. Today I’m really not sure what the fuck all that means. The further away I get from my last point/drink/needle/slam/fix/PNP/blast/hit/fag juice/drip/g/e/x/k/party/cock/works/use/run you mother fucker run/ the closer I get to understanding who I am, or at least that’s the game plan. Running is not an option anymore. I don’t have it in me spiritually, emotionally or physiologically. New purpose helps so much; I’m bombarded with new ideas everyday. A paradigm shift has occurred in my life, old ideas that used to work so well, run bitch run, seem to be so absurd now. I cannot say this is an easy transition, but it is sane and it is me. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I even have noticed that people are flirting with me and the reason for this is I’m open to that right now and am really enjoying it. There’s so much power in just being myself and letting others enjoy me. It’s amazing for me to say that and not feel like it’s not my right. Jesus H. Christ I think I’m getting better, How about you? I love you Mom. Thank you for your humor, love and strength, I’ll miss you. Love, Stan