You reap what you sow. This is a biblical saying that has so much meaning for me today. Too many times I asked for help and it was freely given. Many of those times, I was asking Peter to pay Paul or something similar. Today I asked for help and for all the right reasons, I was flat turned down. I am out of my apartment August 1 and I cannot move into my new place until the 15th. I have been on the phone to the few friends that I have in LA asking if I could stay with them until my place becomes available.
One person told me that I was not sober long enough and he did not trust me. Didn’t trust me, ouch! My immediate feeling was sickness, I wanted to puck all over him. Oh my god I was nearly speechless, I told my “friend” that I understood and to have a nice day…bitch. I got off the phone and my second feeling is ANGER, how could he, doesn’t he know who I am. I am responsible, focused, honest as the day is long and going back to school in just 3 weeks. What one minute what is going on here, is this is a message? The message is simple; I am a drug addict who is paying some dues. We put shit out into the universe and in return it dumps on us when we least expect it. Also known as pay back. I have a feeling the dumping came now because I am so fucking aware of my feelings and in tune with “it.” As painful as this reality is I am getting my just desserts. I us these clichés to point out how universal this phenomena is and realizing again that there were consequences for my actions. I am being handed a lesson and I want to get it right. I really want to learn from this, I want to help others I want to Reap What I Sow.