The next two weeks are finals week for me. I’m 7 months clean and sober and have no real impulse to use even when the stressors are chomping at the bit. Whatever that meant. Went to an AA meeting the other day and was floored to hear an AA friend speak at group level regarding his terminal cancer. Lung cancer, brain tumors and he was still at a meeting talking about how he may not be there in July to take his AA birthday cake. Here is a man who has just been told that his bronchitis was really lung cancer and he should get his house in order, make sure his business partner knows the ropes and tie up loose ends. This is a person with 16 years of sobriety and living in the moment. He even said how surreal it all was but he spoke with such dignity, faith and kindness. I sat there and listened as he told the room of about forty men that he was going to die soon. He also told the room he would not use drugs or alcohol because he wanted to die sober.
I had a friend years ago who was dying of AIDS, he had a couple of days to live and was talking about his final meal. He wanted a filet Mignon and a big stemmed glass of chardonnay. He called his sponsor who was living in New Orleans and asked him his opinion about the glass of wine. The sponsor said he might want to rethink that and die sober. When my friend shared this with me, I was pissed off. God fucking gods what will it matter, enjoy your last days. He chooses not to drink the wine and died the next day sober. I truly respected his choice and really get what it means, today.
The gentleman the other night said there was another reason why he wanted to stay sober throughout his terminal illness. He did not want anybody in the rooms talking about him after he was gone and saying that he slipped. He said this tongue in cheek but there was truth in this message. He was saying I‘ll show you Mother Fuckers how to live one day at a time and stay sober. This is the reason why I go back to these meetings weekend and week out, it’s to hear people who share with dignity and truth about their illnesses. One day I am on and the next day I am off these meetings but I’m consistent, I go and stay sober and clean one fucking day at a time. Love the moment; it may not be here tomorrow.