AA meetings suck. I’ve now been clean and sober this time around for 7 months and am feeling real good, moving in a positive direction – not only geographically but also going back to College. I leave Palm Springs at the end of this month after I complete finals at the community college here, pack and I’m on my way to LA. When I express my excitement to AA friends and AA acquaintances’ about my changes and progression, it is met with fear. “Oh my god that is such a huge step in your early recovery”, “have you discussed this with your sponsor”, “are you sure you can handle that”. Fear, fear and more fear. Remember, George Bush is a 12 stepper and a fear monger (whoops, I’ve broken his anonymity). Leave those goddamn rooms people and get lives, take some risks and breathe. It is funny I genuinely expected this news to be met with excitement and good tidings. Silly me, I forget that I’m talking to the walking dead who don’t do anything without talking to hundreds before buttering toast. We are told in early recovery by the elder AA 13 stepper’s, “there is one thing that you need to change and that’s everything”. OK fine, I’m getting off my dead ass and I’m going to contribute, I’m volunteering this summer at a health care clinic for Hispanics and in the fall I will attend USC and hopefully will get my MA in a few years. I have done my homework, have a plan, and know my direction. I am ready willing and able but nooooo, do not say a fucking thing at group level because we aren’t supposed to challenge ourselves, we are only supposed to get AA. We are supposed to talk in clichés have bad coffee and rehearse our next share. We sit in those rooms with our arms crossed and listen or talk but heaven forbid we do something. It upsets the balance and it makes others realize that they missed the boat. They are programmed to be passive aggressive drones. The program is a great place to realize that you are not the only alcoholic or addict in the universe. It’s a great place for people who have no social life. It is a great starting point to get your life back from the depths of addiction. However, one day I realized that I needed to move on. AA is not the end all, be all of sobriety. It’s a way not the way. To think otherwise is arrogant and lacks critical thinking skills but that is what programming does. Do not think for yourself, we will think for you – that is the mantra. This has been brewing in me for many years, I’ve known something was amiss but just couldn’t put my finger on it. I’m ready for deprogramming Dr. Spock!